


Judge

by orphan_account



Series: Lamp City [4]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bisexuality, Break Up, Drug Use, Multi, Side Story, Underaged Drug Use, carl and ian need more interaction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 17:04:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7472025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'mma treat the chorus like the verse and the verse like the hook<br/>'Cuz everybody knows to judge the cover by the book<br/>I can't write a hook without a little bit of struggle<br/>Don't judge me my brotha." - Cam Meekins, "Judge"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carl wants to find what he's missing.</p>
<p>(Set before Inhale, Exhale. Side story.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Judge

Carl isn't completely sure why things with Dominique got so bad. There was just a point where something shifted in Carl, some sort of wanting that she just couldn't fulfill. He tried, honestly tried, because she'd been so good to him, she really had. And he did love her. And it broke his heart when she cried as he broke up with her, and he might've cried a little as well, and no matter how much he told her it wasn't her fault, it was him, there was something wrong with him, he couldn't get the look on her face out of his head.

"Well, Carl," he said to himself in the mirror. "You just threw away a two year relationship." 

He let out a resigned sigh, walked into his room, and rolled up the last of his weed into a joint, and tried to forget about his problems for a little while.

"Sharing is caring," Ian says, plopping down next to him on the bed. Carl took a hit then passed it to Ian.

"I broke up with Dominique." Carl says suddenly. He has to let this out, has to talk about it. Ian nods slowly, exhaling through his nose. 

"Why?" 

Carl shrugs. He'd never really vocalized why. He'd never said exactly why something just didn't feel right.

"It's me. Something's wrong with me. I love her... really. So much. But I just feel like she isn't the one for me, I guess? It's like I'm missing something." Carl takes the joint again, taking a deep inhale and holding it.

"Is it another girl?" Ian asks him. 

"No." Carl says almost instantly, and Ian's eyebrows shoot up in surprise at the quick reply. 

"So you feel like you're missing something?" Ian repeats, visibly thinking carefully. Carl nods.

"Well, if you be patient, maybe you'll find what you're missing."

 

-/ - /-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

 

Carl doesn't often have friends over, given the general loudness and the general run down quality of his neighborhood. But his best friend, Darren, came from the same sort of family; so when Carl had him over, there wasn't shock or surprise, just familiarity. 

Darren is Carl's age. His family came from Mexico and Darren is the youngest child. They'd known each other for a long time, but only recently had they grown close; as a matter of fact, Carl had been kinda scared of Darren. The kid came from a tough family, and Darren was almost frightening; he was a little shorter than Carl but he was thick with muscles. They had only gotten closer through sitting next to class in American History with Mr. Simmons, a very old man who couldn't help but drone on and on monotonously. 

Carl is almost high as he's ever been; his eyes are blood red and he's really feeling the THC working through the his system. He'd started smoking a lot since breaking up with Dominique.

Darren is laughing at Carl's inebriated state; it was his weed and Carl guessed Darren must have had some sort of amazing tolerance built up. Carl sits back up and blinks rapidly, as if realizing where he is.

"Shit man. That's primo stuff." Carl says, inwardly wanting to vomit at how much he sounds like Lip. 

"Yeah man, my guy gets it from California. Medicinal grade. It's wild." Darren laughs. Carl likes his laugh. Darren laughs like he doesn't have a care in the world.

"I'll start buying off you for sure." Carl says honestly. At this point in his life, the stronger the weed the better.

"Nah, man. Your my best friend. Just ask for some when you need, I ain't worried about it." He says with a genuine smile. Carl smiles back, and there's something in the air, or is it Carl's less than sober brain imagining things?

"I've been meaning to ask you something bro." Darren says, and his demeanor changes- he's avoiding Carl's eyes for some reason. "What happened with Dominique? Why did you guys break up?" 

Carl thinks for a moment. He and Darren hadn't exactly talked about the subject.

"I just started feeling like something was wrong." He says slowly, and now Darren's looking him in the eyes, are they moving closer? "She was good to me. I love her. But I think somethin's missing." They're so close now, somehow someway, and Carl doesn't quite understand, but he's not stopping it, stopping isn't in his vocabulary right now-

"And did you find it? What you're missing?" Darren says softly, staring deep into Carl's eyes.

Carl closes the distance, and suddenly he's kissing another guy, and the other guy is kissing him back, and he feels like there's a weight off his shoulders, he forgets about Fiona and V and Kev downstairs partying, he feels like there's fireworks-

Darren pushes away suddenly and he's off the bed, stumbling slightly in his haste.

"I'm sorry. Um... I'm sorry. I- um. I'm sorry, I'm not.... fuck... I gotta go." For the first time, Carl can see that Darren is terrified. He's breathing heavily and he's shaking as he turns around to leave.

"Darren! Hold up man-" 

But he's already gone. He can hear Fiona asking him what's wrong, but there's no reply and the front door slams. 

Carl just sits on his bed, shocked, his heart hammering, and he's so, so confused. But there's something in him, some fire that just lit. He stands up and walks downstairs into the kitchen.

Kev is sitting on the counter, several beer bottles next to him and he looks like he's feeling the affects. V and Fiona are standing together and they look at Carl, slightly concerned.

"Carl? What's wrong? Why did your friend leave?" Fiona asks, concerned as all hell. Carl steels himself.

"I'm bisexual."


End file.
